don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
