I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize