Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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