Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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