One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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