These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
