I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
