My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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