no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
