K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
