you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
