i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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