He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
