I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
