my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
