I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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