420 ftw
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
