i permit you to call me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
