That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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