idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
