You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
