when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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