who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's shark week go big or go home
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
