Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
