everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
