Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
