Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
