I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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