I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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