guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
