Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
