remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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