put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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