I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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