I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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