i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
