So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
They took my balls.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
