i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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