You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
