what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
