i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Found the puke drawer
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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