Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize