Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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