whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She bit a glass in half.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
