she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Vodka?
Forever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
