I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
