His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize