i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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