I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
