I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
birth control should be required to get into college
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
