The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
