Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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