I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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