I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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