i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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