Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
