So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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