every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize