I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
