I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize