he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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