woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
