I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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