Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
should my penis look like a turkey
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
