Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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