And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize