i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
