no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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