Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
