Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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