i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We had to coat check the pizza.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize