Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
