It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
