ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize