Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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