I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
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