He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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