i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
