alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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