Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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