Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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