the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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