Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So squirting runs in the family.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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