His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
