I wish they made helmets for livers.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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