Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
