If that was your dad, he is hot
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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