I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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