ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
