Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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