And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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