i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Vodka?
Forever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize