i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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