Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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