Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize